#27. Death is a fuccboi

I’ve never met Death.

I’ve waved to Him from multiple hospital beds and late nights alone in my room, but we’ve never said hi.

He’s not really the kinda guy you call for a good time.

I’ve been thinking about Death a lot lately.

My grandfather might be meeting Death pretty soon. I can’t decide if I want to be physically there when it happens. I have absolutely no idea how to react. My coping mechanism of making jokes out of everything isn’t very appropriate in this case, I think.

To me, an occasionally depressed person, Death is kind of like a fuccboi you accidentally right-swiped and matched with on Tinder. You might’ve been swiping too fast or your thumb might’ve slipped, it could’ve been an immediate match or you could get a notification a few days later.

You talk to Him, flirt with Him maybe, discuss possibly meeting up for drinks. You start to consider a potential future together, even though deep down, you know He really shouldn’t be someone you fuck with. He’s easy escapism, but He comes with a terrible aftermath. Your parents will be disappointed with you. And they’ll blame themselves for not bringing you up any better.

So you say, “No. I’m not meeting Him. I can do much better”, and proceed to ghost/unmatch/block Him. Then one day, out of nowhere, you see Him. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Him. You quickly looked away, but it was too late. Eye contact has already been made.

You see Him walk over towards you. You’re scared. You play back times you were talking to Him, considered meeting Him, and thought, “maybe this is okay, it can’t be that bad”. Yet your instincts tell you otherwise.

Your loved ones try to get you to leave this place, they don’t approve of you seeing Him. They know you don’t deserve this. Maybe you do, I don’t know.

Perhaps you have a choice to leave (live?), perhaps you don’t. I’ve seen Him from afar once, barely able to make Him out from the sea of distractions, but I can tell it was Him.

In that instance, I chose to run away as fast as I could. Maybe one day I’ll greet Him with open arms instead.

This is how I feel about Death, spoken the only way I know how. With horrible analogies and the inevitable mention of my use of Tinder.

I’m sure it’s different for everyone, but this is how it is for me. I don’t know any other way. I’ve yet to have someone I truly care about meet Death.

But I think it’s coming soon.

Maybe I’ll work on different horrible analogies after.



#26. I drink way too much for someone with a liver disease.


I’m in a mood- this is how I say ‘I have depression’ because, for some reason, that sentence sounds all too cliché.

It’s annoyingly irrational, and I’m completely aware of that. I really just can’t help but feel like complete shit and want to drown under my covers and have my mobile on ‘do not disturb’ and listening to this bombass song all day.

I really don’t have a decent reason to be depressed about. Life’s been fine, for the most part. I mean, the current state of the mother nature/economics/politics/world in general is pretty fucked, but to be honest, that doesn’t really bother me on a personal level.

I wrote everything above 4 weeks ago. Here I am now, still feeling the same.

The only remedy that seemed to work is drinking myself to numbness, which is great, considering I am medically diagnosed with a liver disease. Plus points for doing certain things drunk that actually give me a reason to be depressed.

To be honest, I don’t even really feel like trying anymore? I mean, I’m not gonna like, “give up on life and kill myself”, maybe just slowly hurt myself from the inside that I’ll be nothing but a withered hag on my death bed.

Just kidding, I’d never let myself live long enough to be actually be considered as a hag.

Anyway, I hope you’re all having better days.

#25. day 01 of whysoseoulless


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It’s been over a full week since we’ve been back from Korea! I’ve been slowly trying to get back into the swing of things (which isn’t going particularly well), but here’s a quick breakdown of our trip and some photos from our first day!

This was my first trip out of Singapore in three freaking years, where it’s actually for my own leisure/travel/good. I was in and out of town a couple of times last year, but that was all for work, but I’m glad I actually got to have some decent time to myself this round.

Our trip was 10 days, and I think I can safely say that we managed to keep the trip within a reasonable budget. I might’ve spent a bit too much than I would like on skincare, but it’s Korea. ~I just had to do as Koreans do~.

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We chose a red-eye flight, and we arrived in Seoul at around 7.30am. In hindsight, I would’ve chosen to go on a later flight to arrive at around noon instead.

We thought we could squeeze in a full day of plans since we touched down pretty early, but when we arrived at our Airbnb at around 10am, we couldn’t check in and we just had to lug our luggage around with us! We had to walk to Doota Mall Duty Free and buy an item so we can leave our luggage there and have lunch at Shake Shack.

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Now, my friends all know I don’t like burgers. I have a weird thing against meat between bread. Yes, I prefer my hotdogs naked with a slight drapery of ketchup and mustard. BUT THIS BABY, GADDAMN!

I’m not a foodie by any means, and I thought it might just be overhyped, and I just really wanted to try it because, well, it’s Shake Shack, BUT THIS SHIT IS LEGIT. I don’t even like beef, but the patty was just really good. And if you get the Smokeshack, IT COMES WITH BACON?! Like I just, I do not have enough words.

Surprisingly favourite part of it was the bun. It’s a potato bun(?), and I didn’t even know you can make buns out of potatoes, but whoever came up with this idea needs an award, like right now. It’s so soft, and it doesn’t break down, and it just holds the juices all together, and you can bite through the entire things without anything falling apart. It’s fucking genius, and I love it.

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The fries were pretty fucking bomb too! AND I DON’T EVEN LIKE CRINKLE-CUT FRIES.

These fries were fried to an amazing crisp, but the inside was still fluffy and it wasn’t even really oily. The thing I hate about crinkle-cut fries is that they usually get soggy a lot faster than regular fries, and the insides are too soft and feel like mash. BUT THESE BABIES WERE FUCKING ACE. They are perfection. I didn’t even really need ketchup, AND THAT IS SAYING A LOT.

If anything, I’d say just go with the normal fries and forgo the cheese. It’s some weird cheese that hardens really quick and it doesn’t really add anything to the fries. Trust me, we’ve seen people throw out half-full servings of cheese fries, but completely annihilate the regular fries.

I didn’t really take many pictures on the first day, cause we were just completely pooped for the first half of the day. We barely got any sleep on the flight, and we had to walk around the mall to burn time while waiting til we can check into our apartment. When we finally got in, we just settled in and took a nap until it was time for dinner.

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Our apartment was only two subway stops from Myeongdong, so we decided to head there for dinner. Of course, we had to go to Yoogane. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT IS LITERALLY HALF THE PRICE IN KOREA OF HOW MUCH IT IS IN SINGAPORE?! Of course you can, that really isn’t that surprising.

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After dinner, we just walked around Myeongdong, gearing ourselves up on what to throw our money on when it comes to our official shopping day.

We stumbled on Osulloc, which is a tea shop/cafe that Joan Day loves. She’s a Korean Youtuber, and I’ve been watching her videos non-stop prior to this trip, so I was half-hoping to run into her lolololol.

Osulloc is such a fancy place, but it’s really expensive imho. I mean, I’m not much of a tea person, so I was like wtf why is this tea so expensive. But if you even stumble into one of their shops, do smell their Wedding Green Tea. It smells AMAZING. I actually considered buying it just because it legitimately smelled that good, but it’s KRW15,00 for a tiny box wtf.

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Here’s a quick haul of the things I bought on the first day! I bought five face masks, because when in Korea, you just gotta do as Koreans do. I also bought a nail polish, cause I didn’t have time to paint my nails before the trip, and I hate having bare nails. The Wake Make line is actually pretty good! I regret not getting more colours.

For those who are wondering, here’s a quick breakdown of our expenses on the trip.


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It was my first flight that lasted more than 3.5 hours, and I am so glad we managed to snag a promo price on Singapore Airlines! Because of the promo, our return flights were only SGD700/person. Though that number still hurts my budget-airline-loyal heart, I’ve been told by multiple people that this is a really good deal for a flight to Seoul, especially considering it’s with Singapore Airlines.

Also, can I just say that my favourite white wine is the stuff they serve on SQ flights?! Idk if it’s like some cheap shit, I luvvit.


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We chose to stay in an Airbnb during our trip, because hotels are expensive, and no way am I gonna live the #hostellife during my one trip out of the year!

This is the apartment we stayed at for 10 days. It’s very small, I’d say good enough for only two people, but I think it’s well worth the SGD580 for 9 nights. The host provides everything you would need in an apartment, and it’s at a great location! I’d totally recommend this place, and if I didn’t want to stay in a loft the next time I’m in Seoul, I wouldn’t think twice about staying here again.


From the airport, we took the airport limo bus into Seoul. It was KRW15,000/person and the trip was around 1 hour. I’m not sure of how it is for different busses, but the one we took was amazing! The seats we super comfortable, much roomier than a plane seat, and it was super reclinable. We didn’t take the train into the city, but I’d definitely recommend their airport limo bus over taking a taxi.

For day-to-day tranport, we chose to get a T-Money card (which is like Korea’s version of an ez-link card) from Changi Recommends for SGD11, which included a usable KRW5,000. We figured we’d get the card in advance so we wouldn’t have to worry about it too much when we got to Seoul, but I did regret it, cause I saw a lot of other really cute card designs. HAHAHA yes, I very shallow when it comes to small things like this lah, I know.

We didn’t really hop from place to place that much on a single day, so I think KRW5,000 would last us around 2.5 days on average. We didn’t really have to top-up our cards that many times while we were there.


Finding inexpensive food is the least of your worries. If you’re from Singapore, the price of food in Korea wouldn’t be anything shocking. I wouldn’t say things are amazingly cheap, but I wouldn’t say things are expensive either.

Street food could be anything from KRW1,000 to maybe KRW5,000 if you’re feeling boujee. A normal meal would be around less than KRW10,000 for something that gets you pretty full, and that’s including free water and side dishes. I think the most we spent on a meal (not counting Shake Shack, yeah, I’d say that was definitely a splurge) was KRW16,000 for Korean barbecue, and we were exploding after.


If you’re on a budget and there’s only a couple of things you can indulge yourself on, I’d say JUST. BUY. SKINCARE. Don’t even really think about it. Just buy skincare products, and you are set. I should really change the header from “shopping” to “SKINCARE”.

If you read up/watch K-beauty youtubers, you can definitely find inexpensive Korean skincare, and we all know how good Koreans are with their skincare. If you need a one-stop-shop, definitely head to Myeongdong. Everything you could ever want to put on your face/hair/hands, you can find there, and things are SO MUCH CHEAPER than how they are in Singapore. SO JUST BUY. REGRET LATER.

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I did vlog during my trip, but I haven’t had the time to edit it first, so I figured I’d put out the blog posts first while it’s still fresh in my memory. I’ll try to write out the entire trip within the next couple of days!

In the meantime, I’m gonna take a nap, because I’m supposed to go to the gym tonight, but I’m completely pooped. Goodnight! 💕

#24. I am not in a good place.


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Well, I wouldn’t say I’m necessarily in a bad place. I’m just not in a good one.

I’ve been back from my #whysoseoulless trip for almost a full week now, and I promised myself that when I got back, I’d be a much more productive individual. Four days in, and all of that has gone to shit.

Things I said would change when I got back:

  • Save money
  • Eat healthier
  • Get back to a regular gym schedule
  • Stop taking cabs
  • Wake up earlier on weekdays and not sleep through alarms
  • Stop relying on coffee
  • Put in more effort at work

So far, I have broken EVERYTHING. I AM A SHAM.

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As if right on cue, Kiwi commented on my recent Instagram post, keeping me on track. I AM ASHAMED BUT ALSO MOTIVATED THAT SOMEONE CARES.

When I’m lying in bed at night, I think of all the things I could change and all the different ways I could work towards changing them. Then I fall asleep, and it’s like everything immediately resets when I wake up in the morning.

I really want to get better, I do. I just, I don’t know, man. I’ve just been really lacking the motivation to do so. It’s like I’m stuck in some sort of purgatory. I’m not in heaven, I’m not in hell. I’m just here chilling and being reminded of all my mistakes.

I’m serious. I need to get better. I’m legit serious this time. I am gonna get better. Starting right now.

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In a much lighter note, I am currently processing the photos I took from my Korea trip, and those will hopefully be up here on my blog soon! I also tried to vlog during my trip, and I am terrified of the editing process, but hopefully, I’ll have those up within a month too.

Have a great week ahead, my BBs! 💕

#23. My Take on the Ah Boys To Men Casting Issue


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Yes, I have once again fallen off the face of the earth, but I’m back. WITH VENGEANCE.

No, but really, my comeback post is gonna kinda sorta start on a negative note, but my intentions with this post is positive. 💕

If you haven’t heard, a freelance actor, Shrey Bhargava, has recently come into the limelight for writing a Facebook post about how he feels coming out of an audition for an upcoming sequel of local feature film, Ah Boys To Men. He was even recently questioned by the police because of what happened from that post, which is ABSOLUTELY ABSURD.

You can check out the post that started it all here.

There’s been a whole lot of argument from different people from different sides discussing Shrey’s post, but I’d just like to give my own two cents about this, even though no one will probably bother reading it, but I am just so internally frustrated [read: ***TRigGeREd***] and upset about the whole situation that I just need to let this out into the universe.

And also because, “my feminism will be intersectional, or it will be bullshit”.

Okay, final disclaimer: I used to be an ignorant person who participated in casual racism and other negative behaviour from time to time, but I’d like to apologise for that. I am still very much a very flawed human in society and I acknowledge that I still have so much left to learn.

Okay, final non-disclaimer: Take a shot everytime you read the word “prerogative”.


1. The main issue isn’t solely about putting on an accent for a casting. It’s about unnecessarily forcing a stereotype into one’s race solely for comedic purposes with no addition to the story.

Let’s put it this way, local Singaporean film, Lulu The Movie, had an appropriate use of an accent. The lead character, Lulu, had a certain accent, not simply because she’s Chinese and “Chinese must have a certain accent blahblahblah”, but because the character is from a specific area so it matches the representation of the character.

But in the ABTM casting, the character Shrey was auditioning for is a local Singaporean. At least this is what I gather based on the given casting lines, which is available to the public.

And I get it, local Singaporean Indians could speak with an Indian accent too, that’s not a crazy thing to consider. If the director wanted his character to have “a more traditional Indian accent”, that is fine. Directors have their own visions for their characters.

But the point where he was asked to “make it funny” by becoming a stereotype of a certain race is the issue here. It’s that this character, the humor in this particular scene, will only be present if an accent is present.

Read the given lines for this character and imagine it being said by someone with a plain old local/Singlish accent. Do you think it’s funny? I personally don’t think so. Shrey wasn’t asked to do physical comedy to make the scene funny, he was asked to portray a stereotype to get a laugh, and that is completely ridiculous.

2. Now that’s out of the way, let’s move on to the most ridiculous argument here, “I make racist jokes with my friends, and no one gets offended, chill out”.


It is your own prerogative to make racist jokes and not be offended by racist jokes, but just like how Donald Trump doesn’t speak for all Americans and how Taylor Swift doesn’t speak for all musicians and how Amy Schumer doesn’t speak for all comedians, YOU DON’T SPEAK FOR ALL OF US WHO HEAR RACIST JOKES.

When you’re joking with your friends, it’s in a comfortable environment. You can call your friend a bitch, and no one’s feelings may get hurt, but the moment an outsider calls them a bitch, OOOOOOH DAMN SON SHIT’S ABOUT TO GO DOWN. Am I wrong?

It’s like how we all complain about menial things in Singapore, but the moment a foreigner complains about one small thing, it’s like HU DA FUCK IS U GET OUT OF MY COUNTRY, SON.

Your tolerance for casual racism does not equal other people’s tolerance for casual racism, so please just stop even using this as a talking point.

3. “It is not the production team’s responsibility to fight against casual racism, if they wanted a majority of Chinese in the cast or if they wanted a character a certain way, that’s their own decision”

This is right. It really is their own prerogative, and no one can fault them for that. It’s not their responsibility to be role models in the entertainment industry (though I would admit, it’d be fucking great if they were), but it does say a lot about what they really think about these issues on hand.

In my humble opinion, it comes off as if the people producing the film thinks that Indians can *only* be funny if they act like “a full-blown Indian man”- whatever the fuck that means.

But regardless, yes, it’s their prerogative, but at the same time, it’s also other people’s own prerogative to comment and bring up issues they find in their work and create a discussion about it in hopes that things could possibly change for the better in the future.

4. Chinese Privilege in the local media industry exists. Let’s just talk about the media/entertainment industry here, because Chinese privilege in its entirety is a much bigger topic that I do not have the mental energy to discuss fully right now.

For those who don’t know, I’ve been working in the media industry for almost 4 years, and even though that really isn’t a long time, I’ve seen Chinese privilege apparent all over the industry. Some people in the industry may not like that someone “on the inside” is saying this, but sadly it’s true.

Just like how it’s not J Team Production’s responsibility to enforce 100% racial equality in their films, it’s not a product company/advertising agency/production house’s responsibility to do the same for their campaigns/TV shows/ads. However, I think it is people’s responsibility to at least acknowledge that Chinese privilege is a thing that actually exists.

I personally don’t see an issue with there being more Chinese on TV than any other race. Since the Chinese do make up the majority of the nation, it only statistically makes sense. What bothers me is that because of this, some people somehow have the mentality that the Chinese should be represented more than any other race.

If you work in casting, you would know that there are way more jobs for Chinese talents than there are for any other race. Even the ABTM casting is looking for 4/5 Chinese actors for roles, with the remaining 1/5 to be between Malays or Indians.

Again, it’s people’s own prerogatives for casting whoever they want in the work that they produce, but I believe people should at least acknowledge that CHINESE PRIVILEGE DOES EXIST. And that this is an issue that could be greatly affecting some people’s lives, and that it isn’t something that can just be swept under the rug.

Someone mentioned that they were being hard with their criticism of Shrey’s post because “peace and harmony in the country is not easy and God knows our country went through shit for what we have today”. Well I personally wouldn’t say that people keeping quiet about the issues they constantly go through can be considered as “peace and harmony”.

Perhaps our country is still going through shit fighting for proper peace and harmony, and maybe that not too much of a bad thing. 💕

#22. GPOY!



I think my productivity train in this blog is slowing down quite a bit. I’ve been trying to work on the dating app series, but it just really hasn’t been productive recently, and to be honest, I’m not really that keen to actively figure things out in that space right now.

Since there really isn’t much for me to blog about right now and I was just itching for some creative output of any kind, I thought it would be kinda fun to film a video!


Now aside from my horrible audition video, which we will never speak of again, I haven’t made a proper sit down video of myself in 6 years. Wow. I didn’t even really realize it’s been that long until I had to look it up.

The video isn’t anything too serious. I really just wanted something to practice filming and editing with, and as I was filming and trying to work on the first cut of the edit earlier, my skills have almost completely deteriorated and I am horrified.


After filming, I thought I looked pretty cute, so here are some gratuitous photos of myself. Because I just think that I am so cute.




I’m still working on the video, desperately trying not to cringe at every said sentence.

In the meantime, have a great weekend, kids!✨