#11. Negativity Purge (First Of Many)

Hi.

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I know I said in my previous post that I didn’t really want to discuss the negative things that has happened since the start of the year, but I figured maybe putting some of these things out into the universe will help me move on from this.

And they are actually kinda funny (if you have a fucked up sense of humour, like I do), so at least I could bring some sort of joy to you, if you’re going through anything similar. Though I really hope you aren’t, cause some of these things are pretty shit.

Let’s start out with the most ridiculous ones. I’ve had absolute shit luck with boys recently.

1. I (quite) drunkenly asked out a guy from work, got told he has a girlfriend, and then slowly melted into a ball of slump right in front of him. It was ridiculous! The slump wasn’t even because I was upset about being rejected or anything like that, I was just so grossed out by the thought of hitting on someone who is attached that I kinda had a mental breakdown.

2. I went out with a guy, and after a shitty experience and him constantly bothering me through text, I told him to stop, only to be mocked and called “absolute trash“. Now this wasn’t as much upsetting as it was hilarious. Dude was so butthurt for being called out, and is horrible at comebacks. Like, how about you tell me something I don’t already know? Pui.

3. I started talking to someone who I thought was pretty cool, only to realize that he’s super close friends with a guy I used to have a thing with over a year ago. And things did not end up well. Probably not a good idea to go down this road at all. Not even gonna look at the road. It’s not even on my map.

4. A friend of a friend recently started texting and flirting with me, but he has a psycho girlfriend who now knows of my existence, and I’m legitimately afraid that something might happen to me. And it’s not like I’m playing along or encouraging this behaviour, I’m just ignoring it and pretending it never happens. But now I just feel automatically feel like “the other woman” when he texts me, “I’m with my gf, I’ll text you later. Don’t reply this.”. I AM INNOCENT, I SWEAR.

5. And finally, most recently, things finally officially ended with the longest non-relationship-but-closest-thing-to-a-relationship relationship I’ve ever had. And I know I should feel good about it, but it sucks. It really shouldn’t be a big deal, but I just feel so ehhh about the whole thing.

And all of these just happened in only two months!

Don’t even get me started about my mental breakdowns with work, existential crisis and thinking about how I’m not working towards any sort of future, the realization that I may just have already peaked as a human being, finding out that I can now drink and not immediately die (which you would think would be good, but I am not a good person, and I will abuse this newfound knowledge), and just different mental issues in general.

I know I have a record of all talk and no walk, and I’m really not promising to make any changes this time. I just wanted to purge myself of this negativity, and try, keyword- TRY to be better. Or at least try to make better choices.

And my first “better” choice is publicly writing about embarrassing things that are probably better kept private. But eh, I warned you, I have absolutely no filter.

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